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December 11, 2012
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I'm hiding underneath the sheets right now, because I know it's hunting me down. I just know it.

This crap all started a couple of days ago. After seven years of fruitless search, I discovered the myth, the one everyone wants, the one with the almost sacred Pokédex number by now. Mew.

ROUTE 8 SAVE
GAMBLER FLY
CITY OF WATER
SLOWPOKE TRAINER
TOWN OF PURPLE
LEAVE NOW
EXIT WEST
THE CRY OF THE MYTH SHALL REVEAL ITSELF

I followed the steps I deciphered from the Unown in the theme of Lavender Town, I did everything necessary to catch the legend. The menu popped up, I pressed B (I didn't know what else I would have to do) and voilá, Mew revealed itself. I was almost peeing myself with excitement by now, all my efforts were finally going to be worth it all.
The cry of the myth, Mew, my Mew, revealed itself, and I was so happy. With a lot of effort, I managed to seal it into a Poké Ball forever. It was mine.

That's when things went haywire.

My cell phone was the first thing to show signs of 'insanity', as I prefer to call it in my position as it is now. The theme of Lavender Town began to play continuously, without me putting it on. The sound was soft and eerie. What's more to this: I did not download the theme, it downloaded itself.

I dismissed it - what else could I do - and went to school the next day, like every other day. But every time I would put on a song while riding the bus to school, just before it would play, I heard a familiar cry. Mew's cry. Freaked out a little, I decided to shrug it off, I was probably imagining it. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

In class, the song began to play again, and again, no matter how many times I turned my cell phone off. It would turn on by itself all over again and play the song, that dreadful melody. An angered teacher eventually sent me away, and as I left the classroom and turned back one last time, I saw a familiar shape in the reflection of the window.

I told myself I was just tired, after all, I had had a night of really bad sleep. Left the class, got a note, went back to class to hand in the note and then went back outside, the normal procedure at our school, but in every window I looked on my way, I saw the little cat-like creature. The cold glance in its eyes frightened me.

It gave a nasty glare and then looked away, sudden grief glinting in its eyes.

"You were the one I trusted," I heard it speak. "And even you betrayed me, you were captivated by my perfection, weren't you? You were the only one who could keep my secret, but you were hungry for me as your own, weren't you?"

I shook my head, it simply couldn't be true. "No..." I whispered, more to myself than to the reflection of the window, and walked off.

The theme of Lavender Town began to play once more.
Second Creepypasta, again about Mew. That creepy incident sparks my imagination!
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:iconpokebulba:
Quick note I'm not the best at critiques. I go for a very basic structure which is too try and point out good, bad, improvable, and what not. That's the actual definition of critic isn't? But anyway lets begin!

First I'll point out thing that could be better, or need improving or just plain a suggestion I have for you.

-SUGGESTION: Second paragraph, "This crap..." I find considering the text is supposed to be scary, spooky, it sounds very direct and I feel it would be better saying "These spooky events" or "unfortunate events" or simply saying "it all started", all do this depends on the person, I personally find it would be better a little less direct. But then I've always found the directness a comforting sign in a scary story.

-"I managed to seal it into a Poke Ball forever. It was mine." I believe that would be a mistake, because forever had not passed you could it will stay there forever or it was mine forever, but saying you sealed into a poke ball forever, if it correct to say it, I find doesn't sounds very well. I don't know about English in the US, but I know that the kind of English I learned as a child that would be a mistake or simply something that would sound better a different way.

-SUGGESTION "when things went haywire" once again I personally find it would be better less direct, so instead say "thins began to become more spooky" or "things then got strange" or "didn't think what happened next would be triggered by the simple event that had just taken place" and so on, there are many options but again is just my personal taste for scary stuff.

-"My cell phone was the first thing to show signs of 'insanity'" though out the story we see no second thing, why bother with this first if in this part at least there is no second? Perhaps in another part there will be and perhaps in your head there is. But I believe simply writing down what the phone did would make much more sense since some people may begin to expect a second thing and will disappointing when it does not appear.

Now things that deserve more recognition! But first I'd like to point out all the mistakes and suggestions are at the beginning meaning you improved as you went, always a good sign for any kind of art.

-First of all lets look at the content in general, it's quite short but the content is what we expect in a creepy pasta something scary with a base in the real world. Now this one is quite original considering we get a pokemon like mew that isn't often considered a pokemon for this kind of story. Usually we get pokemon such as the unown, ditto, chandelure and many ghost type pokemon with creepy entries, so the idea is interesting I enjoyed it. It raises curiosity.

-The form of writing a part from a few direct bits I would rather less direct, was spooky and uncalming, in the way we want it to be. In the last bit I read silently no quite ready to look towards my window, if after reading you look around your room even if your not properly scared then that means the author succeeded.

And that's pretty much it. Quick note I pointed out each negative thing individually while pointing out positive of the whole text which is why there seems more bad. But over all I give this a good rating, anything that can be enjoyed reading is well one for a writer.
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:iconluckykoneko:
LuckyKoneko Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
myuu, myuu myu! (did I really scare you that much!)
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:iconmelroseavalon:
MelroseAvalon Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Uhm, perhaps...
Reply
:iconluckykoneko:
LuckyKoneko Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
mew, myuu? (am I scary, Megs?)
Reply
:iconmelroseavalon:
MelroseAvalon Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Just a... NOES NOW IT'S HERE TOO!!!
Reply
:iconluckykoneko:
LuckyKoneko Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
mew. (so I am.)

(LOL, dead-pan mew!)
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:iconmelroseavalon:
MelroseAvalon Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
NOES! *Runs around in circles*
Reply
:iconluckykoneko:
LuckyKoneko Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*chases you* mew, mew, myuu!!! (playing, tag, I'm it!)
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:iconmelroseavalon:
MelroseAvalon Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Noesnoesnoesnoes!
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(1 Reply)
:iconkurosakiyuzu-11:
KurosakiYuzu-11 Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
creepypasta with awesomesauce~! definitly~!
really, if i can give advise; don't read this in the dark when you're all alone... O.o
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:iconmelroseavalon:
MelroseAvalon Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Noes don't, just don't, that's too scary!
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